THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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