I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
