She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
