I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
