Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
