yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
