I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
