Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
