I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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