We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
