i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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