Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
