The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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