I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
