It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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