I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
