After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize