I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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