last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Drake has all the answers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize