And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
