I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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