Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
