Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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