I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize