Acid is not a monday night drug
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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