This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
