The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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