im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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