the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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