haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
