three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
