She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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