My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
