I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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