Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
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I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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