I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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