our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
