i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
