i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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