Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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