and you said cock pushups were impossible
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
