he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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