You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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