we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
