Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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