The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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