we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
