lets start a swedish sibling band together
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
