God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
well you can't waste a boner
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
