listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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