you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
