I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
