when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
