I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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