sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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