the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
