What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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