I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
