i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
