I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
