I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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