Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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