if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
