i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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