I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
