So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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